Attendant Etiquette
Maid/Matron of Honor
- The "honor attendant" of the wedding is the Maid of Honor (if she has never been married) or Matron of Honor (if she is married or had been married).
- The bride can have a man as an honor attendant if she chooses. If she does, he'll be called the Man of Honor.
- The bride can have more than one honor attendant if she wishes.
- The honor attendant typically helps with pre-wedding planning such as helping to pick out bridesmaids dresses and planning and hosting the bridal shower.
- The Maid/Matron of Honor should attend all prenuptial events.
- She should help address wedding invitations and announcements and/or help make favors or table decorations if the bride wants assistance.
- The Maid/Matron of Honor should keep all bridesmaids up-to-date and on track with all appointments, rehearsals, and important events they need to attend.
- She pays for her own wedding attire and pays for the wedding shower (or shares the cost with others).
- The Maid/Matron of Honor is only expected to give one wedding shower and one wedding gift.
- The honor attendant is responsible for any flower girls in the wedding and should make sure the children know what they should be doing and where they need to go.
- The Maid/Matron of Honor coordinates the activities of the bridesmaids and keeps track of the Best Man to make sure everyone's roles go smoothly on the day of the wedding. She should arrive early to the wedding to help bridesmaids dress. During the ceremony, she holds the groom's ring and bride's bouquet during the ring exchange, assists with the brides train (if she has one), and will hold the bride's veil back (if she has one) for the kiss.
- She will witness and sign the marriage certificate.
- The Maid/Matron of Honor stands in the receiving line, traditionally to the left of the groom, with bridesmaids to the left of her.
- At the reception the honor attendant is in charge of getting the guest book signed by everyone and should make a toast during the party. Check with the bride, groom, and Best Man for their preference on timing of the toast. Typically the toast is made after everyone has been seated and served champagne. The Best Man usually toasts first and then if the groom's dad, bride's dad, groom, or bride want to give a toast they go (in that order). The Maid/Matron of Honor gives a toast after these people give theirs (if they choose to). She should write her toast ahead of time and practice it to make sure the delivery goes smoothly.
- She is seated at the head of the head table or table of honor, mingles with guests, and dances with the groom at the reception.
- She should also monitor and assist the photographer. She informs the photographer of who's who in the wedding party and makes sure an adequate amount of pictures are being taken.
- After the reception, she will assist the bride with any clothing changes and luggage. She takes care of the wedding dress (along with everything else of the bride's from the changing room) and makes sure it gets to the right location specified by the bride, such as storage, the bride's home, or the cleaners.
Best Man
- The Best Man (head groomsman) is a close friend or relative that the groom asks to support him through the wedding preparations and ceremony. A Best Man can be married or single.
- The Best Man hosts and pays for the Bachelor Party. He also attends all other prenuptial parties and rehearsals.
- He gives the first toast at the rehearsal dinner and reception.
- The Best Man handles fitting sessions for groomsmen and ushers.
- He gets the groom to the wedding on the big day and makes sure the groom has the marriage license with him.
- He helps the groom get dressed for the wedding and sees that the groom's belongings are collected and returned to the groom's house after the wedding.
- The Best Man witnesses and signs the marriage certificate.
- He holds the bride's ring until it is time to exchange rings during the ceremony. Even if there is a ring bearer (child) it's often a good idea to give them a fake ring (and the Best Man the real one) in order to ensure the real deal makes it all the way down the aisle during the wedding and is not lost before hand. Giving the ring bearer a substitute ring can also avoid the possible mid-ceremony meltdown that can accompany taking a ring away from a small child. The Best Man is responsible for overseeing the ring bearer and making sure the child knows what to do and where to go during the ceremony.
- The Best Man organizes the ushers at the wedding and makes sure they are ready to go.
- He should check all men's boutonnieres and make sure they are on the left lapel, stem down.
- In a formal reception line the Best Man stands next to the bride.
- He should arrive at the reception ahead of the bride and groom to greet them when they arrive.
- At the reception the Best Man is seated at the head of the head table or table of honor, mingles with guests, and dances with the bride, Maid/Matron of Honor, mothers of the bride and groom, and with as many other attendants as possible.
- He organizes the groomsmen for the photographer.
- He gathers single men for the garter toss (if applicable).
- The Best Man confirms honeymoon travel plans and makes sure the bride and groom's travel bags are with them when they leave the reception. He makes sure the groom has all the appropriate tickets, itineraries, monies, etc. with him for the honeymoon.
- The Best Man is responsible for returning all rental formal wear to the appropriate location. If the groom owns his formal wear, the Best Man is responsible for getting it back to the groom's house or to the cleaners.
- He pays for his own formal wear and travel expenses to the wedding.
