Engagement parties
Many consider engagement parties a dying tradition. An increasing trend is for couples to send out engagement announcements or save the date cards in lieu of holding the more traditional engagement party. However, holding an engagement party is still completely appropriate and considered a fun, important part of the whole wedding process for many couples. If you plan to host or attend an engagement party we've listed some important things to remember in order to make the experience a great one!
Hosting Etiquette
- The first requirement for holding an engagement party is to get engaged (duh!). After you become officially engaged to be married you can start planning the engagement party. That means someone has asked you to marry them and you have accepted, in case there is any question as to what "officially engaged" means.
- The second most important requirement for holding an engagement party is that the couple must be present at the party. That might seem obvious, just as being engaged first before holding an engagement party does, but it isn't uncommon for either the bride-to-be or groom-to-be to have prior commitments (such as business trips) before getting engaged. Make sure both the bride-to-be AND the groom-to-be will be able to attend the party.
- Traditionally, the bride's parents host the engagement party. If the bride's parents aren't available or don't offer, someone else if free to host the party. The bride's parents should be allowed the opportunity to play host first though. That being said, the couple should never request a party from anyone (let them offer on their own).
- The couple should NOT host their own party. One exception is if the party is being held to announce the engagement (no one knows the couple is engaged yet). In that case, the couple would host their own party.
- It is common for the host to hold the party at their house, but it is also appropriate to make it a dinner party at a restaurant or hold it at locations outside the host's home.
- Whoever hosts the party, foots the bill. Don't ask guests to pay a portion of the dinner or party expenses, that's tacky. If the host can't afford the party, they should reduce the size or find a co-host.
- The party is usually held soon after the engagement takes place. There is no official timeline as to when to hold the engagement party, it just needs to be before the wedding and after the engagement. However, it is most sensible to have the party occur soon after the engagement (say one to three months) and at least several months before the wedding (unless a very short engagement is planned).
- Gifts are typically not brought to an engagement party. Gifts can be given, but are not required, and are sent to the bride's house or delivered at a separate occasion in person (not brought to the party) if they are given. Usually only close family and very close friends will give engagement gifts.
- If someone does bring a gift to the party, thank them and place it out of sight to be opened later. Don't open any gifts received at the party.
- Formal invitations are not required for engagement parties. Etiquette dictates it is appropriate to invite people via phone, email, in person, or by some other form of communication instead of mailing formal invites.
- Invitations should not include gift registries (you don't register for engagement parties) or similar gift giving information as gifts are neither expected nor required.
- The party can be a surprise (or not) and the formality of the event usually mirrors that of the upcoming wedding.
- The size of the event is up to the host and couple, but engagement parties are usually reserved for close family and friends to keep it small and intimate.
- The bride's father is traditionally the first to give a toast at an engagement party.
- The bride-to-be should wear her engagement ring and be prepared to show it off repeatedly whereas it's a given everyone will want to see it. Make sure it's clean and your hands look presentable!
- Anyone invited to the engagement party is probably going to expect to be invited to the wedding so take care with the guest list to avoid hurt feelings. This is the reason that engagement parties are usually a small affair with only close friends and relatives. If the couple decides to not invite all engagement party attendees to the wedding, they should be prepared to offer explanations for the exclusion, i.e. eloping, small budget and small wedding, inviting family only, etc.
- The couple should send Thank You notes to everyone who attended the party (even if no gifts were given). Handwritten Thank Yous are always best!
Guest Etiquette
- If you want to give a gift, don't bring it to the party. Send it to the bride or deliver it in person at another time.
- Don't ask to be in the wedding and don't give wedding planning suggestions/critiques.
- Don't make your own announcements of any kind (unrelated to the couple and their engagement) at the party.
- Don't voice your negative comments about the couple and their relationship or wedding plans at the party.
