Registries & Gifts
Wedding Registry Etiquette for the Guests
- If you receive a wedding invitation, you should give a gift. If you are attending the wedding then for sure you need to give a gift. Even if you can't attend the wedding, send something. Getting an invitation implies you're expected to give a gift. Failing to do so is bad form!
- You are not required to send a gift if you receive a wedding announcement (and no invitation). It's always considered a nice gesture to send a gift but the etiquette police won't arrest you if all you receive is an announcement and choose to skip the gift.
- You can send gifts before the wedding. As soon as you receive an invitation you can send a gift or you can wait and take it to the wedding with you.
- You are not required to buy from the wedding registry.
- You are not required to spend a specific amount of money. Spend what you feel is appropriate and within your means, but don't be cheap!
- You aren't required to bring a gift to a wedding renewal ceremony, however it is a nice gesture.
- If this is not a first wedding consider giving a "life style gift" such as a spa or vacation package instead of the traditional house ware/home decor items given for first weddings.
- If you are attending a destination wedding (held at an exotic/remote location or place where the couple had to travel to get to) don't bring your gift to the wedding! Mail it to their home ahead of time.
Wedding Registry Etiquette for the Couple
- Don't be tacky and list your registry on your wedding invitations. Everyone knows you give gifts at a wedding. The focus of the invitation should be on your union and upcoming happy event, not the gifts you hope to get! And don't list any gift preferences on the invitation either!
- Do list where you are registered on your personal wedding web site and send out notification of the site to invitees. Consider "save the date" cards that also list your web site address. Other options: Include a separate card listing your web site (not the registry) with the invitation, send an announcement card for the web site, or send e-cards that link to your web site.
- Your registries can be listed on wedding shower invitations. This isn't required but it does not go against proper etiquette to list registries on these invitations.
- Do rely on "word of mouth" to tell guests about your registries if you aren't using any of the other acceptable methods to get the message out.
- Make sure your parents know your registry information. They are the prime source for spreading gift preferences by word of mouth to guests! People will often ask the parents of the couple about the wedding plans so make sure you keep them in the loop and updated.
- Consider just sending announcements to far away guests who aren't expected to attend since receiving an actual invitation would obligate them to buying a gift even if they can't come.
- Traditionally, registries consist of housewares only, but if you aren't concerned with strict etiquette rules, you might register for items such as tools or electronics as well. Make you registry reflect what you really need, not what you think you need to ask for.
- Do specify if you are interested in receiving gift cards and/or cash on your wedding web site, however asking for cash or gift certificates is generally frowned upon.
- Don't appear greedy; keep the registry to three or less places. One to two stores is optimal. Make sure to list items in a range of prices to allow guests of all income levels options.
- You can set up your registries up to a year before the wedding, however three to six months before the big day is most common. Just make sure the registry is in place and the items picked before you send invitations out.
- If you don't want gifts, don't tell people that. Guests want to give you something on your special day and it is considered rude to tell them not to buy you anything. Be gracious but if you really don't want anything consider making a registry consisting of donations to charities or ask guests to contribute in your name to a cause that is important to you and your soon-to-be spouse.
- You aren't required to register anywhere, although most couples do. Registering is often helpful to guests and helps to avoid duplicate gifts. If you don't register, the likelihood you will still receive gifts is very high. Don't think by not registering you are not going to get gifts.
- Don't use any of the gifts until after the wedding.
- Return all gifts if the wedding is cancelled.
